the clouds were perfect today when we were in the airplane, they were the size of whales and just as gentile. clouds are god's pillow stuffings. hahaha. or they would be if i weren't an atheist. i couldn't help feeling huge and important, looking down on the earth from where i was...all the little cars and buildings looked childish, stupid, comical. the sailboats on the lakes were particularly silly looking. indeed it showed me how insignificant we all are.

are humans really just a disease? the definition of a parasite is an organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a host while contributing nothing to the survival of the host and often leading to it's eventual destruction. think of us. think of earth. do we really contribute anything at all? we're bald, venomous, and careless. the earth seems to have it's own system of ridding itself of overpopulation when it comes to animals: disease. humans don't let things go, they don't let the weak die, and they live way after they become useless and decrepit. and we use pills and medicines to cure EVERY little pain. we really are weak, we just feed our egos by thinking we're oh so special and deserve better than other creatures. we can't LIVE without other creatures... and yet we toss them around as if they're lesser beings because they can't communicate the way we can, and aren't capable of independent thought except for what their instinct tells them to think.

this makes me wonder why we do things for other people. not necessarily just little favors like fetching a coke for your buddy, but... wanting them to have the same opportunities that you have. feeling sorry for the little kids in africa who cant fend for themselves and die so young without ever being given a chance. why do i have such a violent urge, longing, to help them? aren't we supposed to let nature take it's course? isn't the earth fucked up already, aren't we way way overpopulated to begin with? hell, 18 year olds can't even find jobs where i live. i thought it was a small town? it feels almost...selfish to give people gifts. why do we give? because it makes us feel good to know that it's helping someone else. makes US feel good. giving a dollar to a homeless man doesn't mean he'll survive. so why do we bother? really? i'm not content with just giving some money to world wild life fund, you know? i want to fucking go out there and save some pandas and shit.


i don't know. i'm distracted so i can't get my thoughts together the way i want to. maybe i'll read this later and think harder about what i wanted to say.


have a lovely summer


real life friends: